Except from the eyes
by NozomiNoShinigami
Summary: ... Harry had something more from Lily. He also had enough of Dumbledore's bullshit and decided to take control of his own life. Step #1? To take control of his own mind of course. The good news was that he knew exactly the person who can help. Slight One-side Snarry ('cause admit it you have fallen in love with your teacher as well), mild swearing, mention of abuse (non explicit).
1. Had enough

This story is my first fanfiction and I devote it to my dear friend Black Angel In Love who encouraged me to write this story and made some corrections since my english are not that good.

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**Disclaimer:** Once upon a time I owned Harry Potter... then I woke up, it was freaking Monday and Harry Potter belonged to J.K. Rowling as always (end forever BTW). I spent five minutes crying 'cause my dream will never come true and then wrote this story for you !

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I will continue this story of you guys like it, so please leave a review ( any kind, I welcome criticism).

Notes:

"Word" : Dialog

'Word' : Harry is thinking

**'Word'** : Severus is thinking

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Had enough

Harry James Potter loathed his luck. He felt ready to explode from his anger as he passed the corridors quickly and fuming. It was just the beginning of his second year at Hogwarts and he had already been accused for underage wizardry, had his bedroom window sealed with iron bars, lost the Hogwarts express which resulted to an almost deadly flight with the Weasley car, a damaged Whomping Willow and a furious Severus Snape. Great, as if the guy didn't hate his guts enough already.

Anything forgotten? Oh right! The whole school believed him to be the next Dark Lord and his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was by far the most narcissistic, idiotic, useless git a student may wish for. Bloody perfect!

Someone may assume that after the fiasco with Quillermort, Dumbledore would have been extra careful when recruiting teachers. On a second though, the same someone might assume that the Almighty Lord of the Light wouldn't possibly leave a begging child spend their whole summer holidays with their abusive relatives.

But Albus Dumbledore did nothing of that sort because he was obviously lacking the simple common sense of the poor thoughtful stranger. Or it may had passed as such if Harry did not know better. About the Headmaster's ruthlessness, that is. He realized the very moment his tearful eyes met the twinkling ones and heard that oh-so-loving grandfatherly tone blabbing nonsense about blood wards, destinies and promises of protection, nonsense he nearly believed. He realized that Dumbledore was a cold manipulative bastard and his main medium to play with people's minds was his eyes. It didn't take a genius to reach that conclusion, 'cause, come on, twinkling eyes were abnormal even in the magical world and he seriously doubted that the Headmaster's plan was to seduce his Potion Master with those. 'On a second thought though … damn that old crook better not try anything funny!' he thought and felt his anger rise even more. 'Oh hell! Focus that's not the point here!'

Right the point was that he needed help. He couldn't afford anyone to play puppet master with his brain. He shuddered at that. No this situation was unbearable. He was at the verge of insanity, he was afraid to even look towards Dumbledore anymore, yet he did not wanting to alarm the old man. Not in the eyes, of course, never the eyes…

His rate of thoughts was caught midways when he realized that he had arrived at his destination. He swallowed hard feeling his throat dry all of sudden. His anger and paranoia flew out of the window. 'Not literally, the dungeons don't have… KNOCK THE FUCKING DOOR ALREADY HE IS HE ONLY ONE YOU CAN TRUST FOR HELP!' He sighed 'Here goes nothing.'

"Come in", came the sound of a velvety voice.

The only one truly but the problem was…

"Potter!" spat the voice venomously "what do you want interrupting my evening, I will gladly give some more detentions if you missed them so much."

Yup he had to find a way to make Snape listen to him and not throw him out within seconds. 'Deep breath, calm down, think before you talk.' He replied his madras.

" Did the cat eat your tongue Mr. Potter!" gave Snape his usual sneer.

"I have a request professor. I need your assistance, sir", said Harry quickly.

"Is it about potions Mr. Potter". The boy was still his student and regardless his personal feelings he wouldn't deny him knowledge.

"Well, no sir, but…", **'Of course not! How could I ever believe that the insolent brat would bother me about something meaningful? Merlin help the nerve of this child!'**

"Then why, pray tell won't you go annoy teachers who tolerate your spoiled attitude or the insufferable know-it-all of a friend you have?" Snape hissed **'To drive me to insanity obviously' **answered his own question inwardly.

Harry ignored the pain in his heart caused by the comment. 'Why can't he stop thinking me as my father? I' m a different person damn it!'

"Because only you can help me, professor. I studied some books on Occlumency this summer and I hope that I could practice my …"

"Say that again!" snapped Snape.

"Please teach me Occlumency, sir!"

Severus Snape looked dumbfounded and felt even worse. **' Salazar Slytherin be damned! You are to tell me that the lazy Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy-My-Very-Existence (and hates me) came to ask me to teach him Occlumency of all things? He has to be joking, probably trying to pull some sort of prank on me." **Yet the Potter was not lying, he could tell. He looked determined. Did he think that closing his mind was a child's game? Just how arrogant could this boy be?

"Occlumency is not for the likes of you Potter!" said angrily. " It requires control, clear mind, knowledge of your strengths and limits and, above all, hard work. I tis a refine**d** and noble art you ought to respect, not something you learn to brag about to your fan-club. Now get out of my office!"

Harry felt as if Snape pulled the rug under his feet and his panic surfaced again. He was losing the game. Snape, like always, thought that he was looking for another way to show off. Yet if the Potion's Master refused then Harry had none!

"P-please don't dismiss me, sir. I am serious about Occlumency! I will work hard, please help me, I need your help, I – I have to… o-o-"

The rest of his speech fainted in an incoherent whisper. He was trebling now. 'Otherwise I will never be able to trust that my thoughts are my own ever again, never!' he meant to say but his fear took the best of him. He couldn't breathe. He started to see white spots. 'Not good. If this goes on…'

The Professor stared at the boy unable to elaborate the situation in front of him for a second time the last three minutes. The kid was in delirium something, at least, unexpected. He was ready to face a whining brat, insults and spoiled tantrum but this was absolutely different. He could see the agony and fear in Harry's eyes, Lily's eyes and he couldn't bear it. Not only that, but the feelings on their own were familiar. They drove him all the way back to his teenage days, when he had just joined the Deatheaters, before he mastered Occlumency. It was the fear that your mind is not a privet place anymore. But who was Potter afraid of? That would probably be the Dark Lord.

"Ok Potter, calm down now," he said, while proceeding to search among his potions. "Drink this! It is Calming Draught." To his surprise (again) the brat obeyed immediately, without even frowning. I mean that staff tastes terrible.

Harry nearly chocked as he gulped the potion quickly, his mind didn't even have the time to register the taste. In an instant he felt his panic attack coming to an end, blood pressure falling back to normal and oxygen filling his lunges ones again.

"Better now?" heard his teachers cool voice which somehow lacked its usual sneer. He raised hisgaze to meet the cold black eyes and nodded not having catch his breath yet. Snape had the sensibility not to push him.

"Well then, I shall expect you for your first lesson on Friday at six o'clock in the evening sharp. If you dare to be late, not only will you not receive any more lessons but you will also gain yourself detention weekly till the end of the year. Moreover if you lazy around, then the result would be the same. Did I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear, Sir!" yelled Harry with his voice still hoarse. "Thank you so much, sir. You will not regret this." 'He will teach me, he will!'

"Yes, yes we shall see about that. Now, go Mr. Potter and refrain from making such a fuss, if you die from happiness even I will be unable to teach you to close your mind." Snape noted if anything, deeply amused by the boy's reaction.

"Yes sir! Have a good night professor!" cried the said boy rushing towards the door. When he reached it though he turned around with a puzzled expression. "Sir could you keep that a secret from Professor Dumbledore?" he pleaded.

That caused Snape to frown.

"May I ask the reason behind that Mr. Potter?" asked Snape cautiously. He didn't miss the tone of fear in Harry's words.

"It's eh it's kind of personal, sir. Th-the reason I mean." Said Harry nervously staring at the floor.

"I will think about that, I do not promise anything" answered Snape, causing Potter to jump out of astonishment. "Dismissed" ordered the potions master.

With a quiet "Good-night, sir" the brat flew out the office, not looking back again, leaving Severus alone with his thoughts. The said man was quite undone, despite his calm mask. Could Potter be so afraid of Dumbledore? Did that twelve-year-old manage to see through the Headmaster's grandfatherly mask, a task in which the majority of the magical population had failed so helplessly? If yes, he definitely had underestimated Potter. Maybe he had something more from Lily after all, except from the eyes.


	2. Sleepless Nights

**Disclaimer: As always Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. **

So I know that it took me ages to post the new chapter. I am really really sorry but studing took the best of me :(... See you again as soon as possible. Thank you very much! Please R&amp;R

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Sleepless Nights…

"**Wait! What am I thinking?"** Severus mused and then his mind went blank.

Severus stared at the closed door for good five minutes unable to produce a single sensible thought. After another five minutes and a double dose of Calming Draught, his intelligence seemed to come back, gradually.

Numbly, he started to analyze the evens of the last half an hour using his usual neat data processing method. The Potions Master watched the memory in his pensieve a few times (read twenty), he kept notes, reached conclusions and deleted the majority of them as impossible, just to obtain them again and again. And while he was working restlessly non-stop, lost in his mindscape of calculations, the small hours of the night were passing inexorably, forcing the harvest moon to run towards the west to end its journey yet another time.

The first shy sunrays of the new day, found Snape (or they would have anyway if he wasn't hidden in his dungeons) to glare angrily his last piece of paper, as if he was expecting it to be some kind of nasty joke. For better or worse it wasn't.

'**That's bad! Really, really bad'** he thought massaging his meninges. Now please, don't misunderstand. His problem was not the discovery of Potter's high intellect and ambitions nor was his seemly genuine and respectful character. What was eating him to the bone was the meaning of the above for him, because they were a proof that he was probably wrong about the boy. Generally he was not a man that denied his mistakes due to foolish feelings of inferiority. Being a researcher himself he quite welcomes them as a way to improve his work. Although his animosity towards Harry was not a simple mistake, it was a misjudgment. Now that he was terrified of, because every time in his life that he misjudged humans or situations the results were catastrophic and people he cared about ended up the main victims of his foolishness. Like when he pushed Lily away, hurting her feelings or when he joined the Death Eater and then informed the Dark Lord about the blasted prophesy ,believing for some stupid and still undefined reason, that the Nutcase wouldn't actually take stock in Divination and hunt down an unborn boy**. 'And look at me now! Congratulations Severus it seems like you will never learn. I just try to wonder what kind of calamity I could cause this time, getting the brat killed or mentally traumatized for life? Maybe****the rise of the Dark Lord? Indeed, that sounds about right. One thing for sure there could be more victims, more blood in my hands, failing my best friend yet another time… oh Merlin have mercy! I can't deal with any more regrets', **he shivered at the thoughts, his face twisted in self – loathing. A moment later pure determination made its appearance on Severus' features. He still had time, Harry had given him a chance to see through his wrongs and correct them, and thus he was ready to give the child the chance to prove the last-year-Severus wrong. He owned the brat that much. Not that he would ever admit it aloud, mind you.

A quick glance at his clock informed him that he had a class in two hours. Sighing in defeat he left his chair to prepare a cut of coffee. Breakfast at the Great Hall was out of the question. One thing, it was too loud, the other… Like hell he was going to face the "Magical Dunderhead" first thing in the morning. The dueling club would be more than enough, thank you very much**. 'Thanks for the sleepless night Mr. Potter.'** He though with a yawning and yet he knew that he had only himself to blame.

Unknowingly to the Potions Master, Morpheus had dejected yet another person at Hogwarts.

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In the morning Harry felt like a sleepwalker. He groaned as he made his way towards the Great Hall for breakfast. He hadn't managed to get some sleep last night. All he could think of was the events of the evening before. At first, he was excited. His professor responded to his plea for help. He would have the chance to learn Occlumency and prove himself to his Potions Master and, which is more; he was a step closer to independency, a step further from the loony Headmaster. He hadn't been that happy and hopeful for the future since… well since ever actually. Yet he couldn't help the skeptical voice at the back of his mind that doubled everything and counted all the things that can go wrong. Harry was scared of falling back to helplessness, but it was very possible and he knew that, because Severus could betray him or lie to him, he himself may be unable to become an Occlumens and fail his professor or, Merlin forbid, the old crook hear about their little attempt? Oh there is no say in what he would do to. Snape could end up in Azkaban, given Dumbledore's influence and Harry would lose any freedom he had up to now. As he fall in to depression the mere thought of his achievement returned to cheer him at, for a short period of time anyway.

And that's how it went, from optimism to pessimism to optimism again, his mood shifted endlessly leaving him absolutely exhausted at the beginning of the new day.

Right now he just wanted to finish his breakfast as soon as possible, go to the classes and hopefully take a nap at some point, but mostly he needed the sweet, lovely silen…

"Harry! Are you listening to me, mate?"

…ce 'Of course not! I am in your debt universe'

"Sorry I was…"

"Ronald Weasley do NOT talk with food in your mouth!"

'Jeez people, please! We are sitting next to each other there is no need to…'

"Shut up 'Mione I was talking to Harry. So are you exited mate?"

Harry sighed in defeat.

"What about Ron?"

"The Dueling Club this afternoon, of course! I mean yeah, Lockhart's an idiot but a DUELING CLUB!"

"Yeah sure!"

Harry said trying to sound as if he meant it. 'No rest for the wicked I guess.'

"Let's move to the class though, I don't want McGonagal to transform me in to a watch." Harry said finishing his food.

"Harry is right Ron come on we are going to lose points", said Hermione.

"Fine, fine…"

"Morning Potter," a voice sneered behind them as they passed the Slytherin table.

"Malfoy", greeted Harry, not in the mood for a fight. "Don't bother Ron!"

Dear Merlin, it was going to be a long day.


End file.
